How I remembered my soul’s purpose
I remember 6 years ago when I started actively travelling in the “search of myself”, I visited so many famous museums and galleries around the world. At that point I was an IT engineer, who finally got freedom to travel and discover herself. Art was something that I always liked because I’ve always been creative. But at that stage I did not remember my calling and my true self. I didn’t know what to do with my life or who I am. I was lost and so I was stepping towards the unknown travelling to new places and having new experiences, meeting completely new people that opened my eyes onto how broad diversity can be and yet there is something common in all of us.
And so, I remember standing in front of some famous masterpieces in the museum, staring at the originals of Claud Monet and being so fascinated by the play of light and colours. I was standing for so long in from of every piece, it felt like I was merging into the scene, being absorbed by the soul of the artist. I looked at the time details and movements of the brushstrokes visualising how master could have done it. I didn’t “know” at that point how to paint and I never had a thought to try, because I was so afraid.
And so, in the moment of long gazing into the masterpiece, it was like a soul of Monet that grabbed me and whispered to my heart: “You can paint too”.
I literally had a goosebumps. It felt so real, like someone was standing behind me and saying that. And I felt such a heat in my heart and resonance, but I almost couldn’t believe these thoughts! My mind said: “wow! That’s too arrogant! Who do you think you are? You? Can paint? Whoa, you’ve never studied, you didn’t go to any art school or university. Yeah, you can only dream of that’s you will never be able to paint, especially like these masters..”
And my soul dropped down back into what I thought was a reality. “Yeah”- I thought, “I cannot paint. It was probably just some wishful thinking”.
But there was other part of me, who felt “YES! This is absolute TRUTH! YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS!”
And I followed this little nudging feeling. This occasion was always sort of reminder later on on my path. And so, since then a couple months later I started sketching in my notebook. I remember exactly that sketch of a tiger. I was amazed how I could do it! It felt like a miracle! I never thought that I can draw or paint!
And then I started sketching here and there, sitting in the cafe while travelling and so on. It wasn’t serious, just for fun.
And then, occasionally I went to an art class in a cafe, where you were supposed to drink coffee, have a cake and paint a painting in 3 hours, just as a nice thing to do.
That was first time I’ve made a painting and everyone, including me, was surprised that I’ve never painted before (art class at school as a kid doesn’t count), because it was really good!
I started to go to this casual art classes, because there was no pressure to make something nice or beautiful, you are just spending time in a nice way. There I learnt that I can paint even without going to academia. I realised that I could paint all this time. I just never tried because of my fears and because I simply forgot that I loved painting so much when I was a child.
At that point I didn’t think whether art is my path or gonna be my career, I did it for love. It nourished my soul. It was healing me. And pieces by pieces I was gathering myself back together remembering who I am in those moments when I paint.
Then I stopped going to classes, because I felt the urge in me to just paint and express myself. I locked myself in apartment and all my free time I started to paint from my own heart and intuition, which led me to feel what my purpose and voice as an artist is.
I started to trust that I don’t need conventional education in order to allow my soul to express itself, nor I felt the need to justify my art or for it to be likeable. Strangely, people loved it. I guess there was something raw and honest that was being expressed that resonated with that deeper space within others.
That’s how I remembered who I am and my soul’s purpose. Everything from there started to unfold naturally.