Recently I experienced revelation in my art. I don't know yet where it is going. Perhaps, this post will be an exploration of a busy mind of an artist that tries to make sense of the journey she is undergoing.'
Before studying the mastery program, I was a self-taught artist. On the one side I resisted any art education, on the other I craved it and secretly felt 'not good enough' due to lack of external education.
I was resisting traditional art schools because I thought they would limit my creativity, put me in the box of rights and wrongs and suffocate my unique artistic voice. This of course was coming from being wounded by our educational and parenting systems in general. I wanted to give my newly growing plant of artistic expression complete freedom.
And that was perfect, I would say. I gave myself time to play and explore and most importantly to discover that innate connection to intuition and gut feeling that was driving my brushstrokes.
After being self-taught for about 5 years and painting on and off, consistently painting for the last year or so I was graced by a vision or a knowing that I must take a 1 year online art program. And exact at the same moment they were accepting new students (what a grace!).
So during all those exploratory years I painted mostly abstract intuitive landscapes and sometimes I would paint spiritually looking portraits of women that were full of power and grace.
I must say I was avoiding or perhaps not drawn so much to paint objective art as I wanted to convey something beyond object, more like a feeling, emotion or state of being. And abstract landscapes landed perfectly to that.
Now, during the year program we were guided to discover our unique artistic voice. And I found new love of painting women and symbolic a little surrealistic visionary art. I was so excited about that that I declared to myself 'this is what I wanna paint!', disregarding abstract art and intuitive landscapes. I thought I might do them only as a commission, but not as my main art.
And now half a year later I found myself going through a block (again), feeling uninspired.
So I took a week offline from any social media (how nourishing it was) and dedicated it to just being. Being resulted in me being so inspired and excited to paint... and you know what? - Abstracts!!!
Again, I felt so playful, so in the flow and intuitive. I was missing it so much to paint without a reference, but what's on your heart.
And now my mind is confused - which art should I pursue making? Visionary or abstracts? Both?!
Today I was intending to paint a lion, but all happened is me painting a new abstract landscape unexpectedly!
I know, for you it may sound like 'what are you worrying about? just express what's on your heart'
But you know, this is what they teach us at art school - be consistent. Have a cohesive body of work. Otherwise no one will take you as a serious artist. No one will buy your work.
And perhaps this is fear, because I do want to sell my work, I do want to succeed and it is an expression of my heart. But what I want more is to be true and it may not make sense now how I will combine it all in a cohesive body of work, but I trust the flow. I trust that something unique will come out of it.
I trust that you perhaps will fall in love with any artwork I do... because it was poured from my heart.